Patrick Mahomes, Green Day, And Rudy Giuliani Walk Into A Coffee Bar…

The coffee space is growing crowded with celebrities looking to launch their own brand, certain that the mix of coffee’s popularity and their own will surely make money hand over fist. Emma Chamberlain, Robert Downey Jr., even Seth Rogan have all launched coffee brands with varying degrees of sincerity.

Even so, the coffee space has somehow found room for a three-pack of celebrity-backed (or fronted) new brands, each one somehow more confounding than the last.

Let’s start slow. Patrick Mahomes, the three-time Super Bowl-winning quarterback for the Kansas City Chiefs has launched an all-new ready-to-drink coffee brand called Throne Sport Coffee. As reported by Sportico, Mahomes, along with former BodyArmor exec and beverage industry vet Michael Fedele, are the lead investors in the new company selling 11oz cold brew cans chock full of “B vitamins, electrolytes, amino acids, and natural caffeine.”

The coffee will come in four flavors: black coffee, mocha java, salted caramel, and French vanilla, and are available on Amazon, the brand’s official website, and at more than 3,000 retail locations in 20 different states. Mahomes’s involvement isn’t listed anywhere on the product, though he does appear on the brand’s website.

Next up, something a little more name-droppy. Green Day, the Bay Area pop-punk band have launched their own thing, Punk Bunny Coffee, or more specifically, Punk Bunny Coffee by Green Day. The trio has teamed up with Oakland Coffee Works for the new brand, coming out of the gate with a host of blends coming in dark, medium-dark, and light roasts. They’re also offering K-Cup pod versions of their fairtrade, organic coffee, because nothing says punk rock like corporate borg single-serve coffee.

From the bleh we go to the truly and utterly bizarre. Rudy Giuliani, the one-time “America’s Mayor” who has, let’s say waned in popularity (and sanity) over the last few years has decided to put his mug on a coffee bag(s) for a new venture, known as Rudy Coffee. And it is everything you would expect it to be, and more. There’s bad photoshop/AI, weird de-aging, American flags galore, and just so much Rudy. Everything you need to know about the brand you can surmise from this picture.

via Rudy Coffee

Apparently, Giuliani, who according to The Independent may be undertaking this new business venture to help pay off his $148 million of debt, couldn’t not be bothered to sit down for a photo shoot holding a coffee cup. It’s perfect and a little macabre.

I’d have to imagine this is the first time that Mahomes, Green Day, and Giuliani were all mentioned together in the same article. But that’s what coffee does, it brings people together. It just goes to show, no matter what walk of life you are from—a jock, a punk, or… whatever it is Giuliani is—coffee can bring you all to the same table. It’s actually kinda beautiful.

Zac Cadwalader is the managing editor at Sprudge Media Network and a staff writer based in Dallas. Read more Zac Cadwalader on Sprudge.
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Zac Cadwalader
May 17, 2024

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